Nathany Turns Two!

how did this face...

Turn into this face?

This photograph sums up Nathan. That is a classic Nathan smile. 

It's the best smile in the world, if you ask me. The way those eyes look right into yours with that spark in them and those little teeth showing. I could just EAT him. And I practically do some days.

We celebrated Nathan this year with a simple Pancakes & Pajamas Party. 

Mama made her gluten free pancakes, a fresh fruit bowl, and fresh squeezed oj from our very own tree. Plus some chocolate muffins for a special treat!

We invited 2 of our specialist friends. Laura and Hsiaolei to come with their families and celebrate with us. It was mellow and super easy. We are so lucky to have such wonderful friends. 

And we felt the love from the east  coast too. Auntie Coley sent him an astronaut suit and Nana and Poppi sent him his first glove and baseball, which he wouldn't let go of for DAYS.

He even slept with them, as you can see below.

His Hair grew so much this year that he had to have his first haircut, which he was really good for. By now he's had his haircut 3 more times. It grows SO fast! And I broke down and cut his mullet off the back. Now he looks so much like a little boy.

He's such a lucky little guy to have the sister he does. She really loves him. He goes to her for comfort and looks to her to figure everything out. If she's doing it, he's going to try and do it too. 

Ava has a super protective big sister nature about her. It shows in this little video of her keeping him feeling safe on his first amusment ride at Happy Hollow Park and Zoo.

The Holidays 2013

My favorite Christmas song is by Sara Bareilles. It's called Love Is Christmas:

I don't care if the house is packed, or the strings of light are broken
I don't care if the gifts are wrapped, or there's nothing here to open
Love is not a toy and no paper will conceal it
Love is simply joy that I'm home
I don't care if the carpet's stained, we've got food upon our table
I don't care if it's going to rain, our little room is warm and stable
Love is who we are and no season can contain it
Love would never fall for that.

Let love lead us. Love is Christmas.

Why so scared that you'll mess it up when perfection keeps you haunted
All we need is your best, my love, that's all anyone ever wanted.
Love is how we do. Let no judgment overrule it.
Love, I look to you, and I sing.

Let love lead us. Love is Christmas.

LOVE. It's so important to remember. Everyday, not just at Christmas. But christmas makes me teary sometimes because I get overwhelmed that so many other people remember that love is more important too. Life slows down for the holiday and we pause our busy schedules. I wish for myself that I continue to learn to put less pressure on myself to do, and make more time for just being. Just being is when I feel connected to everything I want to feel connected to, my kids, my husband, myself and my god . I want to continue to let go, which means learning more about and admitting my fears (which I just want to push away and ignore) and practicing not grasping and trying to control them- practicing letting them GO because I know they are painful and they limit my ability to love, not just others, but more importantly myself. And they are just stories I make up in my mind.

My resolution this year is to practice more real compassion. It starts with me, which is what makes it so hard. The Dali Lama said "compassion is the recognition that someone is just like you. You step out of your self-preoccupation and realize that the other person has the same desire to be happy and safe that you have." I've been judgmental in many ways upon many people  in my life, and I see now how my judgments, even if only in my mind and completely kept to myself, are harmful. Somehow when I'm judging I'm withholding love, not just from another person, but from myself too. I deprive both of us only to gain a false sense of feeling safe by putting up a guard. That's what judgment is to me now, armor. I feel my best and fullest around people who are accepting. I want to be one of those people and I think I am to a lot of people. I know I can't like everyone, but I don't want to resent them anymore. I want them to just be and me to just be and there be no more hard feelings in the dark and quiet corners of my mind. That's where the thoughts are made, not the truth, just the thoughts. I couldn't possibly know what is right for someone else, but I trick myself into thinking I do and then I get resentful that they aren't the way I wish they were. So, I'm going to try to do it differently because, as I've learned and heard many times from the magic of recovery, nothing changes if nothing changes.   I will try and begin with gratitude, which gets me focused on what I have, not what I lack, and creates positive thoughts.

The dead of winter in California. The leaves have fallen off the trees, but the sun adds color and color is bright and beautiful, even when it's subtle.

This is the view I have while I wash the dishes after dinner.

This is who I get to snuggle and smell and bathe every night.
His favorite christmas presents were a flashlight, the big bad mouse, trains & dinosaurs. 

This is my mini-me. My emotional, theatrical, feeler girl. 

I took her to see the Nutcracker this year. She acted it out for a half hour outside the theater after the show. 20 minutes into the production she asked me when they were going to start talking. She told Grandma is was kind of boring, but one of her favorite presents from Santa was her very own Nutcracker!

here she is dancing her little heart out.

We had some great, unexpected trips to the beach this December, a trip to the latest Disney film, FROZEN, which Ava fell in love with. Most evenings are spent watching YouTube clips of Queen Elsa singing "Let it Go" and Olaf singing "Summer" (for Nathan). 

We saw Santa (Nathan from a distance), we drove through the Fantasy of Lights, we baked cookies with Grandma, we spent time with Portland cousins and Grandpa Great over Thanksgiving, we spent Christmas eve with wonderful friends who we consider family, and we spent lots of time on FaceTime with Nana, Poppi, Aunties and Uncles & cousin Sarah on the east Coast. 

Happy Halloween 2013

Another really fun Halloween in Los Gatos with the kids. 

Nathan was so excited and didn't miss a house to trick-or-treat at. He caught on quick! He would hold the piece of candy he was given until he reached the next house and then give that piece in exchange for a new one. Give one, get one, that's how he thinks Halloween works. Maybe he's on to something. His little voice said "trick-or-treat" and "tanks" after the doors closed behind us, so no one heard, but we did. Ava was the best big sis in town. If Nathan was lagging a little she just informed the residents that her little brother was coming, so they'd hold the door open until he arrived and he'd get his candy too. 

I just soaked in watching the joy that trick-or-treating brings. I felt lucky. Lucky to share this experience with Brad, to both know a love so intense for the same two little people it makes you feel like your heart might just burst. 

I complied some photos and video clips of our evening trick-or-treating fun! Click on the link to view it: http://youtu.be/knPxy2zWLgA

Happy Halloween. 

love, Princess Belle and Duckie.

xo

Our Kindergartener

 Why is it so hard to send your 1st born to kinder? I asked myself that as I tearfully left the classroom on her first day. I still don't completely know. I know my eyes welled up with tears of joy and excitement and some of angst and anticipation. What is this going to be like for her? Is she going to feel comfortable? Imagining Ava in fear, or uncertainty, though it's a natural part of life that makes growth and maturity happen, makes my heart ache. But as you can see by her letter to her new teacher, Mrs. Fink, Ava was confident about the transition, more so than her mommy. And I assure you I did my very best to not show any of my angst. I held my after the drop off tears for Brad. She didn't see. 

I thank the goodness of love in this world that we got Mrs. Fink for a teacher. 

During the "Kinder visitation" back in late spring Ava pointed Mrs. Fink out to me and told me she liked her best. And then we got a letter in the mail with an assignment to her class. Yay!

Mrs. Fink is known for her nurturing spirit. She's present and loving and so attentive. Just perfect for Ava, or any kid for that matter.

We are feeling so grateful that we get to send Ava to this thriving environment for a school experience and thanking our lucky stars that moving to Sebastopol didn't work out. phew! Something bigger knew better :)

Ava comes home from school and teaches me the poem's she's learned or how to make the #3. 

She's sharing so much with me and asking when she can go back. She gets dressed before she comes to wake me, eagerly comes to brush her teeth & hair (what?!), and walks over to school excited to be there. She is really happy, which makes my heart soar! 

She came home the 1st day and said " I made some friends!"

So far, so good! We couldn't be happier.

1st day big smiles

 calming a few butterflies before we walked in

mom and dad stayed for the 1st hour and did a writing assignment with her.

the important this about me is "I am Special"

 reading with a new friend, Zoe

I was the only mom on the rug with the kids, but couldn't bare to say no to Ava when she asked me to sit with her.

exploring the classroom with daddy. listening for the waves at Ballston. ;)

And after a big 1st day Ava decided she wanted to get her ears pierced!!

Feeling confident, I guess. We'd been talking about it all summer.

brave happy girl.

After day 2 of kinder we went to the library and ran into Ava's bud from Mariposa, Kelton. 

She was SO happy to see a familiar face after all the new-ness. I was so happy to see him too. I love their little friendship. What a treat!

Kelton asked Ava to read with him in one of the nooks. melt my heart. They were smiling and laughing and in there together for a good 20 minutes. 

There may be some young love at play. 

:)

A visit to the Green's. Wolcott, Ct.

One of the highlights of our trip east this July was visiting my Gram and Gramp Green in their home--the home where my dad grew up and the home I visited for what feels like hundreds of times as a child. The home Gramp practically built with his own 2 hands.

I love that it's exactly as it was when I was young. It smells the same, the piano player and all the rolls we sang to are still there. My gram is still a killer cook. Her roasted red peppers will have your mouth watering for more. Brad can attest to that. I hadn't been to visit them in connecticut since before Ava was born and I know the times I make it back to the house are fewer since having little babes. It's one of the things that puts a lump in my throat and causes tears to well in my eyes, one of the torments of being so far away. Gram and Gramp hadn't met Nathan yet, so we piled into Dad's car, brad, dad, Nathan and I and drove down to spend the afternoon and have dinner. 

The air was humid and Nathan took a bit of time to warm up, so I walked us through the backyard and remembered how I used to play there, and how far away the depths of the yard felt from the home. I used to hop from stone to stone out there, admire the gardens and bird houses and spy on the neighbors. I did that again with Nathan in my arms (minus the neighbors- no one was outside anyway) :). We picked ripe raspberries, Gram's home grown that she makes her famous jam with. Grampy came out to stand with us. He's lost weight from his chemo, and his black hair finally gave in to grey, but his spirits were up and he loved talking to Nathan. He was just as engaging as always and when I saw him smile I felt strongly how much I love them and I've missed seeing them.

I felt so grateful to be having the experience of being there again.

 Gram and Gramp have been such wonderful grandparents and I was reminded of that while I watched them interact with Nathan. I felt Gram's love as she worried about Nathan's safety and brought out Dad's old tinker toys for him to play with.

Before we left I walked through the house by myself, opened doors to the bedrooms and peeked in. I have so many memories...of taking a bath in the blue bathtub, of glaming up as I sat at Gram's vanity and smiled at myself in the mirror, reading dad's childhood books, playing dress up in the attic, playing restaurant with Gram in the kitchen window that overlooks the dining room, and sitting on Gramp's lap in his recliner while I ran my fingers across the top of his buzz cut (I did a lot of that). 

It was wonderful to see you Gram and Gramp.

Thank you for having us.

I love you dearly and I'm so glad you got to meet Nathan.

...until next time. xo

I tried to capture a little of what it's like there in photographs.

 

Summer fun part 1 | Truro in Instagram

Instagram. 

If you don't know what it is, it's a social media app. you can take photographs with your iphone and put a filter on them to make them more....fill in the blank,

the whole Green clan is on Instagram and we share the fun moments of our lives together that way. It makes being so far from each other a tiny bit easier. So this is a little taste of our trip to Truro this summer, instagram style. There are many more non-instagram photographs that I will post later. I even shot another roll of film there, which I hope came out ok. I can't wait to see!

Some highlights: 

*this was my view out the bedroom window while I nursed. 

I loved feeling like I was amidst the tree tops. The birds were right there, practically chirping in our room. my favorite is the wallpaper, curtains, bedspread, bed frame....everything vintage!

*playing with auntie mina. digging to China. getting a closer look with binoculars, of course!

 *happiness is running carefree along the shores of the atlantic ocean at low tide.

*Ballston Beach

*cousin Sarah loves to read and shared her daddy's lap with Nathan.

*sunsets. Representing the west coast on the east coast. #twins.

*beach bonfires, roasting marshmallows, staying up past bedtime. 

*naps. 

*meeting Mina and Sasha's new rescue, Nelly Belle.

PLUS having Hailey come with us for 2 weeks!!! YES!!!

*shave ice from Sweet Escape. #sugarghigh

*looking for whales

*kayaking on the bay #firstkayakridefornate

*glow stick excitement!

*corn hill beach. 

*morning reading for our smart cookie. ;)

*trips to p-town for portuguese fried dough. #yum

*fresh seafood from Mac's EVERY night. #nothingmoredelicious

*visiting with Great Nana. She thinks she's 88. I think that's why she keeps on keepin' on. It's working for her :)

*mermaid/crab. pretty true for the whole trip. Couldn't get Ava out of the water and Nathan was sick, hence, a bit of a crab.

*listening to the tides in a seashell.

 *family photo. 

No place better than the crisp cool water on a hot, humid, summer day in MA.

*my old bedroom at nana's. Now Ava's room.

*a hike to ballston overlook

*Bathtime in the claw-foot tub

*the bay.

*Celebrating Mina.

There is so much more. We had a really nice trip to Connecticut to visit my Gram and Gramp Green, We got to see Montse, Carl and the kids from Spain, Brad celebrated 10 years clean and sober and in recovery & Mina and Sash got engaged!

So stay tuned for more posting with more photos.

xo