Ava is 4 today.

Our little munchkin is 4 today.

In some ways I feel like I'm not sure how time can go so quickly. In other ways I feel like time has moved at it's regular pace and I've been present for it with her. And I'm really grateful for that.

I love her beyond what words could express. I truly mean that. I don't mean that as an expression.

I'm just stuck as I sit here and look at this first photo of her. I look in her eyes and I have a well of emotion come over me. I barely know how to say what I feel inside. 

This is the first year I truly feel like babyhood is far far behind us. She's a little girl now. She is such a good girl, inherently good. She tries to be bad and she's shown her attempts at master manipulation, tantrums, bossiness, hysteria, but at the heart of her I see how good she is and how much she wants to please me and be a good daughter and sister, along with the other roles she plays in her life. 

I gathered a bunch of photos for her pre-school. They are having a "birthday circle time" for her tomorrow and asked for photos from birth through her 3rd year so she could share them. I haven't looked back in so long. Not only have the pictures improved (haha!), but our lives have drastically improved because we have this girl (and now our boy). 

A couple nights ago Brad came down from putting Ava to sleep, and I too from putting Nathan to sleep. It was 8:30pm and we collapsed together on the couch leaving the chore of cleaning up the kitchen for another hour. Brad said something along the lines of never knowing how tiring it would be to have kids. We were imagining ourselves on some tropical island when they are grown, we were remembering what our life was like before we had them. Then we both looked at each other and realized how much better our life is because they are in it. We imagined what we would have been doing had we not had children. Working. That's what we realized. We'd be working, starting then until we retire. And though we still are- working-it's different because we have these little beings who live in our home and inspire us and smile at us. When Brad comes home from work Ava asks him if she can have a "cow ride"(she rides on his back as he crawls around the floor). Now, that may not sound fun for him, but it forces him to let go of the day he left behind at work and hear utter joy in Ava's laughter as she wobbles on top of his back and falls off.  Ava and Nathan have helped (and continue to) mold us into the people we want to be. What a gift. I work harder to love myself and have a positive attitude so that she will have a model of that. I do it because I want her to be able to do it. 

And she is learning so much. Brad says these beautiful meditation prayers with her at night and she taught them to me. So each night as she falls asleep she says:

may i be peaceful

may i be happy

may i be filled with love and kindness

And may I love myself, just as I am

And may I love others, just as they are

When I put her to bed we add in what she's grateful for from that day and then we thank God for it.

The first time I heard her small voice say these profound prayers and saw that she had them memorized I knew we were doing something right. 

She is a spirited one. More and more sensitive as the days pass. I never know when her sensitivity is peaking until I hear her screaming that the blender is too loud, or she breaks down because she used the wrong color in her picture. It's difficult to manage her in those moments. Again, I've really had to learn to to handle it without shaming her. I just think it's outrageous sometimes. But I am learning too. I'm learning that this is just a part of who she is. A part I can relate to and possibly wish wasn't a part of me too. You know how we can do that--have aversions to things we see in others that we have as qualities in ourselves? See, it's all a learning experience :)

So age three has been a series of battles of will and bundles of laughter, sometimes within seconds of each other!

We're curious for what year 4 has in store!!

For today, we celebrate her!

Miss Ava Martina

just born --April 26,2008

6 months

one year

2 years

3 years

4 years

 little sister, big sister

 I jotted down some of my favorite little things she's said over the year:

"mommy, I love you for a thousand years, but that's all. Only for a thousand"

"it's your bad lucky day!"

"I only have 2 hands, mommy. That's how God made me. I wish I had 4!"

"why when you grow up do you have to be a person? I want to be a reindeer named Rudoplh"

Happy 4th Birthday, Ava!

Easter 2012

(Ava wrote most of that by herself!--so proud of her!)

Well, I really had to let go of my perfectionist side to create this post. I made it out of love for my family who are so far away and longing to be here to watch our babies grow and experience the wonder of life and these fun holidays. I'm also so grateful to have Brad's loving family live so close so we can share such fun with them. It feels funny to post pictures of Easter with a three month gap in the blog, during which time the new little love of our lives was born! Oh well, I promise you will see him on here soon. There are almost too many photos and videos to organize! Someone help! I have no time ! :) :)

What a picture perfect Easter it was. That's the beauty of celebrating in California. You can actually hide the eggs outside! Ava was so so excited about the Easter bunny this year! She wanted to go to bed all day on Saturday so that he would come; and she spent most of the day asking endless questions about him, one of which was very legitimate: "how does the Easter bunny see in the dark?" As I looked at her wondering what I would that would make any sense she answered for herself: "maybe he borrows Rudolph." I just said "yeah, maybe!" phew. I dodged that one this year :)

Grandpa Great drove up from San Diego! Still thriving-- and driving!-- at 90 :!) We're so so grateful he continues to make that journey so that we can see him more often. And it was his first time meeting Nathan! His first great grandson! Nathan LOVED him, as you can see from the photos!

Not only had the Easter bunny visited our home and filled our baskets, but he also went to grandma and grandpa's house and hid ester eggs all over the backyard for Ava! She was thrilled! 

 Lilly encouraged Ava along :)

Nathan smiling at Grandpa Great :)

Then Grandma, (she's wonderful and so thoughtful) had a big bowl full of white hard boiled eggs for egg dying, which Ava did so precisely and diligently, as she would :)

 Lilly watched

 Nathan spent time talking to Grandpa

 Then Grandpa did some serious cheering up at dinner. Thank you, Grandpa! 

They have such a cute relationship. 

Ava was a mess from too much sugar and refusing to poop. I write this so I won't forget and brag someday about how easy things were and how we never had any issues. Oh, how memory conveniently fails us :)

But you could never tell she was miserable from this photo, thanks to Grandpa. I love this photo.

 Grandma also helped soothe Ava and read her Peter Rabbit. (If you could only see Ava's face behind the book). It takes  a lot of patience as her parents to get her through these moments. A LOT. She's sweating, fussing, holding in the urge as it comes over her. It's really maddening. why won't she just go!? The next day was practically a poop-a-thon, just in case you're wondering what the outcome was. hehe. :)

(here's a little peek at the self induced misery)

Meanwhile, Mr. Nathan continues to be the easy going guy he is and just played on the play blanket discovering his hands. There they are! :) 

he is the sweetest little guy. just the sweetest! 

look at that smile. 

doesn't it just melt you?

I can't even look at these photos without smiling.

It melts me.

I am so in love. 

Brad might need to worry a little. 

(just kidding. kind of.)

thank you, mom and dad koch, for such a wonderful Easter! 

We love you!

She's having a baby too!

Omg! My child! She is our entertainment! Brad laughs and quotes my dad all the time who once gave me a hug and said to Brad "you're never going to be bored being married to this one" Brad says living with both of us is an adventure, as I'm sure it is. :)

I put together some clips of Ava pretending/playing out that she is pregnant too. It's become more and more common for her to play this and I'm sure that's because it becomes more and more real for all of us as my belly grows. But to see the things she comes up with (ex. stuffy nose) just blows me away. She is paying attention to everything! 

Brad commented after watching this video "how does she know the sounds someone would make when the baby comes out? makes me believe in reincarnation". Who knows. I just know this little kid is a trip to have around.  I'm sure you can imagine this kind of expressive spirit has it's challenges too, and I'll be the first to tell you about them, but this is an example of the joy of having a sensitive, super observant kiddo. 

Getting ready for Christmas.

I officially began my maternity leave from Cassie Green Photography in mid-December. I knew I needed some time, more time than normal, to get ready for 2 big events, a year when Christmas was more exciting and real to Ava than it ever had been, and a baby boy coming into this world! 

There were these days and afternoons when I just felt so relieved to not be checking my work email so often and to have my full attention on Ava and this little person growing inside me. Going to the park in the late afternoon for no other reason that to watch Ava play reminded me of the days before this little business was even an idea, when all I was focused on was being a mom, when I didn't have a million other little reminders dinging in my head as I watched. Of course as she got older I needed something more, outside of motherhood, to stimulate my brain, and what a dream come true to pursue an art form I've valued and dabbled in since high school. But I love being a mom and feel extra blessed to be one that stays home with her children when they are young. Ava is the type of girl that really needed that, so making that happen for her (and me) is truly a gift from Brad and God. I am so grateful to Brad and the way the universe laid things out and made this all possible for us.

anyway, I'm off on a tangent :)

So I love this photo below because I see the relaxation in my face and the joy in Ava's. (And because there are so few photos of us since I'm the one behind the camera.)

The days before this Christmas will be a good memory of these last few days when it was just mommy and Ava. A special time of my life, for sure, soaking in my 1st born child to the fullest before adding the wonder of another. 

This year we got an amazing smelling Noble Fir from Oregon. I loved our tree. I have all my ornaments from when I was a child, and now I watch Ava get attached to the ornaments she has and gets each year.

Some nights I thought about sleeping on the couch so I could be close to the tree. I never actually did that, though I took lots of time to just sit and stare at it.

Some of the things we did to get excited for Christmas:

Ava's preschool invited us to decorate a gingerbread house one afternoon.

This was great for me, no baking, a house already assembled, and candy bought and put on a tray. All I did was ice the house and watch Ava decorate it (and sneak little pieces of candy now and then).

We were surrounded by her classmates also decorating and her friend Kelton would come over and check on Ava's house and ask her to look at his. Ava would nod and say "I like it Kelton". :)

Ava's 1st gingerbread house!

Her school also put together a holiday "sing-along". We sang songs from different religious December holidays. Ava learned all the words and we sang them daily for weeks before the sing-along. She also practiced them in her classroom.

I'm so impressed with her singing and memory skills. 

I have her recorded on my phone, so I'll try figure out a creative way for you to hear her singing songs about Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Christmas, etc. 

In the car is when she sings the most. My favorite kind of radio :)

We also went through the Vasona Park Annual "Fantasy of Lights", which was wonderful, though I didn't photograph the experience. Ava sat on Daddy's lap and helped him drive, which at one point became more interesting than the lights! She loved it. By the end she had her head out the window singing Feliz Navidad. Brad and I thought it was so funny that she interpreted the lights wrapped around a tree as the tree being tied up. She asked us, "why is the tree all tied up? poor tree!"

On the 22nd we headed up to Pleasanton to make Grandma Great's Christmas Cookies with Grandma. A great tradition!

It's such a sweet and special thing to watch. And something Ava really looks forward to.

It was extra special because Grandpa was still on sabbatical this year, so he was there too.

I don't know if you can see, but Ava sticks her tongue out when she's concentrating and as I was sorting through these photos I learned who else does that: Grandma! :)

Ava made sure to decorate her cookies with extra frosting and sprinkles, and as soon as she finished her 1st cookie, she put it aside, leaned over to peek at it one more time, picked it up again, and started to eat it! She just couldn't resist. I can't blame her. Those cookies are pretty much butter and sugar. I can't even go near them!

Keep an eye out for photos and video from Christmas. Coming soon, if this baby holds out! :)

Celebrating Grandpa's 90th!

We took advantage of having Grandpa with us just a week before his 90th birthday to celebrate him! He really is a centerpiece to our family. He was born December 7th 1921 and he's still going strong! He's a truly amazing man and I've loved being his granddaughter for the 5 years I have. He really treats me like one and it means so much to me.

Yesterday, when I went out to get the mail there was a box of Lilies for me, from him, with a note saying that he thinks of me everyday. I almost cried I was so touched. 

I love you Grandpa.

 Now, you may think we're crazy, but we attempted, successfully, to put 90 candles on his cake and make him blow them out, which he did!! Amazing! As you can see it was a team effort and I'm pretty sure Doug got a 2nd degree burn trying to get that last candle lit! :)

 And here he goes!!

Yay Grandpa!!

Hailey loves her Grandpa Great. 

 What a great smile! 

So happy to celebrate you, Grandpa!

See you on Christmas Day!

xo

Decorating Grandma's Tree | Thanksgiving 2011

Every year, the day after Thanksgiving we all gather at Grandma's and help her decorate the tree. 

This year it was extra fun for Ava because, not only did we have Hailey with us, but Caroline, Lucy, and Doug were there to help too! 

We really loved every minute of our visit with them. Portland seems far away sometimes, even though it's a lot closer than Michigan!

Ava was in tears when they went home, Hailey too, when she had to go home :(

The three cousins together, well, we just really didn't see much of them at all. They were off, upstairs playing, with the exception of being called down for meals. And we'd see Hailey a little more than Ava and Caroline because she'd want to get her Lucy fill now and then.

It made me so happy to see them all play and enjoy each other and it gave me a really relaxing visit with no conversation interruptions. I sat on a couch for more than 20 minutes, with Brad, and family just talking. Haven't done that in 3 and a half years! :)

So, here's a little collage of decorating the tree and a couple more of my favorite photos from our visits.

Oh, and I have to give a shout-out to Doug! Best big cousin ever! The girls love him and he was so generous with them (and his iPhone--Hailey hijacked it from him).

Grandpa and Ava are in love, I swear! (Lily is jealous, maybe Grandma too?) :)

Grandpa Great with his Greats! 

whole family together!! Can't believe we made that happen. :)

Mid November visit from Coley & Dave

See that look on Ava's face?

She thinks Uncle Dave is the silliest person she's ever met! Really, she does! 

This girl is so impatient on Skype with everyone except Uncle Dave. He could practically babysit her while I went out over skpye! 

He is SO good with kids. 

It's hard not to laugh listening to them talk.

I'm so glad to have captured those looks she gives him and that laughter one afternoon while they were playing in her room. And that's just it, I think. Dave still really knows how to play. He's still got kid spirit in his heart and is uninhibited about showing it. I love and really appreciate that about him.

His baby is a lucky little one. Due May 21, by the way!!!

I loved having them out here. It was a tearful goodbye for everyone because our time together was so nice.

We had an almost 70 degree afternoon in Santa Cruz at the University's aquarium. We got to explore the sea creatures and have a picnic outside and hike along the cliffs.

it was an awesome day!

Coley and Ava spotted dolphins out in the Pacific

and then we headed into town for coffee and hot chocolate.

Ava loves her God Parents, that's for sure! (sorry I cut your head off Dave!)

And my big sister, well I love her so much, and I couldn't be happier to share a few months of pregnancy together. We made some pretty yummy meals together while she was here and she taught me how to make pie crust. We made a delicious apple pie!! 

I just loved every minute with them. 

I love you guys! 

Can't wait to see you again in February!!